Sunday, August 06, 2006

Right Brain / Left Brain

I hate editing because it puts both sides of my brain in conflict and that's a battle neither side is capable of winning.

Rosie Rightbrain is a playful sprite. She flits from word to word sprinkling fairy dust all over the page with no regard to logic or reason.

Lance Leftbrain is a literary hit man. Nothing is safe from his killing tools. Imagination is simply a word to him - unless it’s spelled incorrectly, in which case it's a mistake and must now be pulverized.

When they’re forced to work together, it goes something like this:

ROSIE: Oh, this is tedious. Let’s do something fun. I know, lets write a ghost story!

LANCE: Stop playing and get serious. Can’t you see how awful this manuscript is? We must destroy it. Cut, slash, burn!

ROSIE: Don’t you dare touch my words you big poopy-head. Rules are for bureaucrats, not poets.

LANCE: Rosie, I've met Maya Angelou, and believe me you're no Maya Angelou. Does this look like poetry to you? It doesn’t even make sense.

ROSIE: You have no imagination. It’s lyrical. It doesn’t have to make sense.

LANCE: How many times have I told you that you can't just make up your own words?

ROSIE: I can too! You're not the boss of me!

LANCE: Do you realize there’s a character who shows up on Page 5 and never appears again in the entire novel?

ROSIE: I know, but didn’t I describe him beautifully? He practically steps off the page.

LANCE: Yeah, steps right off the page and into a black hole, never to be seen again. And what’s this? An entire paragraph without any punctuation?

ROSIE: It’s a metaphor. See the character’s life is like a runaway train and. . .

LANCE: . . .period, comma, comma, question mark, semi-colon, period and/or paragraph. . .

ROSIE: You’re mean. (sob)

LANCE: And you’re a no-talent wannabe. We should throw it all away and just start over.

ROSIE: (perking up) Start over? Yes, let’s start over! Only this time the twins will be boys and they’ll be lost in the Bermuda Triangle and one of them discovers a pirate’s map. Oh, and there’s a ghost on the island too.


Diana Castilleja said...

That is too funny!


And too close to the truth!

Anonymous said...

roflol...this is hilarious :-)

Linda Bleser said...

Thanks Diane and Ali. It does my heart good to know I'm not the only cuckoo bird in the cage. LOL

Hey, we're writers. We're supposed to hear voices. Aren't we? :)

IsaboKelly said...

Brilliant, Linda! I can so relate--unfortunately :)